My plans for 2014
Sometimes making plans help us to set goals and achieve them. Most people consider that New Year is the time to start a new life or experience unusual things and I am not the exception. When the New Year has come I was so excited to start my new life since I had already set goals. Mainly I focused on three things that I would like to accomplish during this year: improving my GPA, doing part-time job and travelling at least to one foreign country.
Since I am a scholar studying in Korea, excellent grades are very important for me. The last two semesters were extremely difficult to finish with a high GPA because the system of education is very different from which I used to studying. I have faced a lot of problems while I was studying. However from this year I became aware of studying here and I realized which parts I have to improve. To achieve my goal during this year I will focus on getting involved in different activities and doing extra work.
The second thing that I want to accomplish is doing part-time job that related to my major. When I chose English translation and interpretation for my future career, I realized that practice and experience are necessary for being a successful interpreter or translator. Since I have never experienced them yet, I have fear that I would like to overcome. Doing part-time job in translation or interpretation will help me to become more confident and independent. I can use methods and techniques in practice which I have learned in the university. Moreover I can save money for travelling that also included in the list of my plans.
Travelling is one of the most favorite activities of many people. There are a lot of place around the world which I wish to visit. Since I cannot afford all of them, during this year I would like to travel at least to one foreign country. To achieve this goal, I decided to spend money that I will earn. Travelling will help me to meet different people, learn their culture and practice language.
This year is going to be a year of serious change for me. Setting plans for whole year help me to be more organized and concentrated on things that I want to accomplish. Improving GPA, doing part-time job and travelling abroad require a lot of time and energy, but I will make an effort to accomplish these goals until this year will end.
To Xenia Park from Yujin Lee
ReplyDeleteAssignment 1. My plans for 2014
Hi, I've really enjoyed reading your writing^^!
And please let me give you my feedback^^*!
1. First of all, what I like about your writing is that the structure is well-organized!
It starts with good introduction which people can easily approach with empathy. And the body paragraphs are connected quite well with each other as well. Also it seems that the conclusion sums up well overall^^!
2. I think the main point of your writing is three plans (That is to say, Improving GPA, doing part-time job and travelling abroad) that you established for 2014 and your goal to accomplish them.
3. These are the lines that struck me powerful from your writing!
1) Since I have never experienced them yet, I have fear that I would like to overcome.
I like this line because you used the expression 'would like to', instead of 'must' or 'should'. It gives me the impression that you enjoy conquering your own fear^^!
2) The last two semesters were extremely difficult to finish with a high GPA because the system of education is very different from which I used to studying.
I like this line because it contains your genuine situation and experience. It lets me understand better about general situation you are in and the reason you set first goal.
4. I really liked your writing. However, I think there are some parts that would improve your writing if they are properly changed^^!
1) However from this year I became aware of studying here....
This line seems a little bit unclear to me. Expression 'become aware of' offers me the impression of 'noticing something’. But in my guess, perhaps you wanted to mention that you adjusted to the unfamiliar study system and managed to learn how to study this year :).
2) Travelling is one of the most favorite activities of many people.
This sentence itself is absolutely fine. However, I just think that it would be better if you provide a little bit of link with the next sentence, 'there are a lot of place around the world which I wish to visit.’ It surely contains same key idea of 'travel' but I felt that it would be more natural if you emphasize the link between two sentences :)!
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is...
I think this piece of writing will be improved even more if you fix some of the grammatical errors that you might overlook by mistake.
(While writing, I believe it is sometimes hard to notice some of grammar mistakes and that is the exact problem I also make myself^//^;! Taking our time to check it over will surely diminish this kind of errors!)
+) this was my feedback and again, I've really enjoyed reading your writing*^^*. (If you have anything to say about my feedback please contact me at our class^^*)
By exchanging each other's feedback, I hope we can improve our writing skill together^^!
To. Xeniya Pak From. So-eun Yoon Assignment no.1
ReplyDeleteHello Xeniya! I found your writing very interesting! It was nice to know about your resolutions for this year.
So here are my comments:)
1. What I liked about your writing is that your body paragraphs included lots of details about why you have come up with these three goals and how you want to achieve them. Because you supported your thesis statement with lots of relevant supporting sentences, I could really understand your essay very well.
2. Your main argument for this essay seems to be your three goals for 2014 and your reasons for hoping to achieve them.
3. What I found powerful about your essay was your thesis statement.
"Mainly I focused on three things that I would like to accomplish during this year: improving my GPA, doing part-time job and travelling at least to one foreign country."
Your thesis statement was very clear about what you are going to discuss next in your three body paragraphs, so as a reader, I found this sentence very powerful.
4. In your last body paragraph, I would have loved to read about where you wish to travel this year. Although you have mentioned your love of traveling and your hopes of traveling abroad this year, you did not mention which specific country you wish to go this year. If you had mentioned the name of the country, readers would have found your writing more interesting:)
5. One thing you could do to improve your writing is to indent the start of every new paragraph. Indentation allows the readers to know where your paragraph starts and where it ends.
I will look forward to seeing you in our next writing class:) Bye!
To Xenia Park from Yujin Lee
ReplyDelete(I post this comment again because my name appeared as anonymous at the previous comment! The content of feedback is basically the same!
I am very sorry for this inconvenience!)
Assignment 1. My plans for 2014
Hi, I've really enjoyed reading your writing^^!
And please let me give you my feedback^^*!
1. First of all, what I like about your writing is that the structure is well-organized!
It starts with good introduction which people can easily approach with empathy. And the body paragraphs are connected quite well with each other as well. Also it seems that the conclusion sums up well overall^^!
2. I think the main point of your writing is three plans (That is to say, Improving GPA, doing part-time job and travelling abroad) that you established for 2014 and your goal to accomplish them.
3. These are the lines that struck me powerful from your writing!
1) Since I have never experienced them yet, I have fear that I would like to overcome.
I like this line because you used the expression 'would like to', instead of 'must' or 'should'. It gives me the impression that you enjoy conquering your own fear^^!
2) The last two semesters were extremely difficult to finish with a high GPA because the system of education is very different from which I used to studying.
I like this line because it contains your genuine situation and experience. It lets me understand better about general situation you are in and the reason you set first goal.
4. I really liked your writing. However, I think there are some parts that would improve your writing if they are properly changed^^!
1) However from this year I became aware of studying here....
This line seems a little bit unclear to me. Expression 'become aware of' offers me the impression of 'noticing something’. But in my guess, perhaps you wanted to mention that you adjusted to the unfamiliar study system and managed to learn how to study this year :).
2) Travelling is one of the most favorite activities of many people.
This sentence itself is absolutely fine. However, I just think that it would be better if you provide a little bit of link with the next sentence, 'there are a lot of place around the world which I wish to visit.’ It surely contains same key idea of 'travel' but I felt that it would be more natural if you emphasize the link between two sentences :)!
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is...
I think this piece of writing will be improved even more if you fix some of the grammatical errors that you might overlook by mistake.
(While writing, I believe it is sometimes hard to notice some of grammar mistakes and that is the exact problem I also make myself^//^;! Taking our time to check it over will surely diminish this kind of errors!)
+) this was my feedback and again, I've really enjoyed reading your writing*^^*. (If you have anything to say about my feedback please contact me at our class^^*)
By exchanging each other's feedback, I hope we can improve our writing skill together^^!