Hi Professor am so happy to have met you.
Although everyone on earth was watching 2014 ticking towards us, this year came quite fast and unexpectedly. 2014, has its own set of events that is different any other year in the past. We are living in baby stages of this year still waiting to see what happiness or tragedy this year will unfold to us. 2014 has shown us some series of events that will be spoken of and recorded like the 2014 Winter Olympics, Ukraine's internal crisis, and the lost Malaysian airline plane.
The 2014 Winter Olympics is a world event that everyone has been waiting for. Finally after four years this event has shown itself in Sochi Russia. The games were held from the 7-23 February. This was the first time Russia hosted an Olympic event ever since the fall of the communist rule of the Soviet Union in 1991. A total of 98 sport events were held and of them 12 were new sports added in for the first time such as women's skiing and mixed team figure skating. The 2014 brought joy and sadness to everyone as the exact same event will never be seen again in history.
Not long after the start of a New Year tragedy for Ukraine's government struck. Up risings from the country's very own people started which soon developed into a revolution. The parliament impeached their own president Viktor Yanukovych. Soon after, Russian forces began to lurk around Crimean which caused a worldwide speculation on Ukraine.
2014 has been harsh to deliver bad news to the families of the lost Flight 370 of Air Malaysia. The plane was scheduled passenger flight that disappeared on 8 March 2014 en route from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, to Beijing, China. The aircraft last made contact with air traffic control less than an hour after take-off. No one yet knows the where about of the missing jet.
2014 has shown us some series of events that like the 2014 Winter Olympics, Ukraine's internal crisis, and the lost Malaysian airline plane. These events are not doubt huge and will be remembered in history. Despite all comedy and tragedy of the beginning months, I hope the future of 2014 will be ever bright.
To Tae Hwan Park from Hana Choi
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is the subject you chose. You abridged the main issues so far in 2014 and it was pretty interesting for me to read your writing.
Your main point seems to be looking back what happened at the beginning of 2014 and shortening the issues.
There are a couple of lines struck me as powerful. First, it is 'The 2014 brought joy and sadness to everyone as the exact same event will never be seen again in history'. This sentence because it shows well what the games meant for us. Second line what I like is 'Not long after the start of a New Year tragedy for Ukraine's government struck'. If I were you I could not have been able to think of this kind of sentence for the first line of a paragraph. This sentence helped me to understand clearly what the paragraph would be talking about. When it comes to the words you use, I can't pinpoint what you did well but the writing was read naturally even though it covers the serious and political happenings. You used proper vocabulary for the subjects.
Even though your writing is great there are some lines that are not clear to me and needed to be improved. The first one is 'Although everyone on earth was watching 2014 ticking towards us, this year came quite fast and unexpectedly'. I am not sure why you used this as hook and this sentence is not really clear to me. I wonder why you used 'Although' there. Another line which might be better if it's revised is ' We are living in baby stages of this year still waiting to see what happiness or tragedy this year will unfold to us'. You used 'waiting' in this sentence and it sounded like we are waiting not only happiness forward us but also tragedies. Also I wonder why you use 'comedy' at the last sentence in the 5th paragraph. It would have been better if it is replaced to 'event' or something else.
The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is making the first paragraph more clearly. It was enjoyable to read your writing and the paragraphs are well-organized but if the first paragraph were more attractive the writing would have been much better.
To Tae-Hwan Park From Seung Hyun Kim
ReplyDelete1. What I liked about this piece of writing is that how you summarize the big events in 2014 so far and tell us about them.
2. Your main point seems to be telling us about the big issues so far in 2014 and your wish for the rest of 2014 to be bright :)
3. The line that struck me as powerful was 'despite all comedy and tragedy of the beginning months, I hope the future of 2014 will be ever bright' because after all the big issues mentioned, you sum them up as 'comedy and tragedy' and add your wish to it.
4. The part that I found could have been improved was some minor grammar errors you made. For instance, 'not doubt' in the 2nd sentence of the last paragraph. If you fix them, I believe the essay would be much clearer though it is already good :)
5. The one change I could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to add your thoughts a little more to the essay. Though you listed various events, you hardly mentioned your ideas about them. If you could have told us about how you felt about them a bit more, I think the essay would have been so much nicer to read.