2014
I personally like dreaming things, especially wonderful things. Dreaming wonderful things maybe actually sound pretty much like that the things what are unreal popping into the mind. However, to me, it can be serious goals for the goal. Since I am calling myself as goaler, and I'm definitely going to make things happen. For 2014, I basically have 4 wonderful things that I literally want to do or make.
Firstly, I have been thinking about how to change the little world of me. I know that changing world sounds enormously a very big plan, and it's been centuries people working on this project. Ridiculously, little world, it is a metaphor simply explaining as knowledge. I personally consider that knowledge could be in 3 different areas, that those are from social, school and work. How so? Comparing to the life stages that we all are having such as childhood, student status and puberty etc, those 3 different areas are kind of alike. Meanwhile, as those 3 areas, I'd say that all of them should be smoothly improved in next year.
Secondly, I've been thinking about how to be more fit. Being fit could be difficult because that you really have to put your hard works on, just for getting closer to your goal. Personal speaking that most of Korean people don't quite like doing exercise, and the reason could be that lot of excuses coming from their months like, "you have no idea how much I have worked today, since I'm tired as hell now, how am I supposed to work out?" I hope that I'm not going to have those excuses before I get to go working out, and have a accurate plan for it.
Thirdly, I have been thinking about finding a internship in a foreign country. I always wanted to go to find a job in a completely strange country when I was younger, and I actually still stick it onto my planner. But, getting a internship would be the step 1 of having jobs in foreign countries, and things you should be doing are much easier than the actual jobs. Nowadays, students usually start looking for internships when they are in sophomore of college, because that'll very helpful to your career if you finally find a proper internship. For this, I've already started looking when the year started, and its been going pretty well. Most probably, I might be doing baby care in South Africa. It must be extremely cool, and I literally cannot wait.
For concluding it, I hope that these three wonderful things will exactly be what I am working in 2014, and maybe make them true at the end. Then, the 2014 could be the excellent year.
To Jinling Tian From Okjin Kim on the first 2014 assignment
ReplyDelete1. What I like this piece of writing is that you organized things very well. You said you have several wonderful things at the thesis statement and wrote down things one by one. There's many other things important to writing. However I think making readers read your writing easily is one of them.
2. Your main point seems to be changing environment around you. You mentioned that you are going to give it a shot to make a change in your situation by doing internship or staying fit.
3. The particular part line struck me as powerful is this ' I have been thinking about how to change the little world of me.' I was very impressed of your expression describing as 'littlle world'. Usually we don't imagine our situation as a little world. But you did, and I thank you a lot for using so creative expression.So, to me, it was like a magic. You let me know a new way to express my life, my situatuation.
4. This part isn't clear to me. At body paragraph you are talking fabbout three things. But at thesis statement, you mentioned 'For 2014, I basically have 4 wonderful things that I literally want to do or make.' This could make readers confused becasue you said 4 things. I think you shuould change 4 things into 3 things or make one more body paragraph to give a consistency to your writing.
5. The one change )ou coul make that woul make the biggest impro%ement in this piece of writing is to be more creative. You started with something good 'changing the little world of you'. But other things are just too normal and it's hard to drive readers sympathy I think.