The year of Ms. Perfect
Chaelim lee
Have you ever thought about being the most perfect person in the world? Doing anything he or she wants to in a perfect way, never missing any flaw. That is the person I planning to be this year. There’s a three big thing that I want to achieve this year: get scholarship, run my club well, and be a great sister. It sounds a lot, doesn’t it? However, I get this strange confidence that somehow I can do all these things.
The first thing I want to get is scholarship. I know there are many students who are good at studying and getting good grade. This year, however, I will give all my heart to attend all the classes, do the assignments, and do the extra studying! Furthermore, I am a senior this year and I become aware of the importance of achieving academic abilities for my dream – becoming the interpreter. I’m going for the Two-bird-one-stone effect. I just set my goal as a scholarship because I can be more passionate when it comes to material.
My second goal is, by far, the hardest one for me. I am the president of my Korean traditional music club, which means I am the charge of almost 100 students. So I’ll try my best to run this club fluently. We have a lot of events throughout the whole year. It’s I and club council’s duty to organize and conduct these affairs. My job is mainly about negotiations with student council. so I’m trying to learn some tactics about negotiation by meeting a lot of people such as former president of my club and friends who worked or work with student council.
The last thing I want to do is to be a good sibling for my little sister and brother. It’s so embarrassing to tell that I wasn’t a good adviser or friend for them. I wasn’t there whenever they need me. So I will listen to them and I’ll do my best to give them my loving words and help as a first child should do. I know it won’t be easy since I come home in night most of the time, but that can’t be the excuse. Whenever we get together, I swear I will care about them.
I know these goals are not the easiest ones to achieve, especially when I pursue these ambitions simultaneously. I don’t want to miss any of these goals, however. I want to pay my tuition fees by myself, make everyone in my club feel they made right choice to choose me as president, and be the big sister that my sister and brother can always rely on when they need. I know it won’t be easy. Still, I know that trying wouldn’t hurt.
ReplyDeleteThanks for getting things started, Chaelim.
Anybody care to comment or post another?
JBH
Hello! I really enjoyed reading your essay. And it seems like you are really inspired to accomplish your main plans during this year. The first thing that I liked in your essay is that you have sequence of writing your essay such as introduction, 3 body paragraphs and conclusion. And also main point is that you described three accurate supporting ideas. Your main point of this essay seems to be being an independent and successful person and loving sister. The particular phrases that impressed me from the beginning were you title of your essay and the very first sentence of the introduction. I like them because starting essay from the question interested and encouraged me to read until the end. You provided hook that stimulated curiosity. However, I think that your essay would be perfect if you work on thesis statement. As I know thesis statement has to be the last sentence of the introduction.
ReplyDeleteI hope it will be useful for you^^ Thank you
From Xeniya Pak
From. Sharon Jeon Assignment No.1
ReplyDeleteHi! Your essay was very interesting to read! Hope you achieve your goals this year!
1. I like the way you structured your essay. It was easy to follow because the paragraphs were very organized. Your stated your thesis clearly, so I had a good idea of what to expect from your essay. I also like the title of your essay. It fits well with your essay and it is interesting.
2. Your main point seems to be that you are going to be Ms. Perfect this year by getting a scholarship, running your club well, and being a great sister.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
" I’m going for the Two-bird-one-stone effect"
This sentence was very powerful. It caught my attention as I was reading your essay. It organizes your points very well, making your body paragraph stronger.
4. "I just set my goal as a scholarship because I can be more passionate when it comes to material"
The "material" in this sentence was a little bit confusing to understand.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is perhaps adding a sentence in the last part of your conclusion to provide new insights. This would leave a lasting impression to the readers.