Jung Yong Ko/ Assignment 1/ Tuesday 11AM
What I am going to do in 2014
Most people make their plans in new years. However, some people set up the same goal which was already planned the previous year. I have been planning the same goal for three years which is to study hard. I realized that planning just studying does not work at all, so this year I thought about both studying and hanging out. In 2014, I am going to study hard then scuba dive to rest my mind.
I used to go to school from Incheon when I was a freshman and it took four hours back and forth. I persuaded my mom that I will get all A+ and win a scholarship, if she lets me live near the Hufs. Now, I live near my school so handing homework late and being late to class will never happen again. Since I promised my mom that I will get all A+ I will participate well in every class and will not lose my grade from attendance. However, just studying is not an easy task.
If I only study, my head might explode so I planned to scuba dive after exam to rest my mind. I have scuba dived since I was in middle school. If someone ask me what I enjoy the most, then I say scuba diving. In my opinion, studying hard is really important but you cannot always study. Sometimes people need to do something they want to cool down. This way, you can enjoy the life and get good grades.
To sum up, since I live near the school I will study hard to get good grades and scuba dive which I like the most after the exam. Korean students tend to just study. Studying is important however, if you do both studying and doing things that you want to do such as, cooking, shooting and diving then, you will be able to study harder without getting stressed.
201101524 Park Hyun-ju
ReplyDeleteHello, Jung Yong Ko. I really enjoyed your essay. I wish you a good luck on your goals for this year.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that your essay includes interesting anecdotes and details. And your topic was really interesting. Not many people try scuba diving so the topic was interesting enough to draw the attention of your readers.
2. Your main point seems to be that you would focus on both studying and relaxing at the same time. I also think it is a good idea to try your best in your study and occasionally enjoy your own hobby.
3. My favorite line in your essay is your last sentence. It effectively sums up the important points in the body paragraph.
4. This sentence "To sum up, since I live near the school I will study hard to get good grades and scuba dive which I like the most after the exam." was not really clear to me. Is my understanding right that you are going to go scuba diving after the exam? Aren't you already doing it?
5. Studying is also one of your main goals this year but your reason for this goal was not clear. Your essay gives an impression that you are just studying because you have promised your mother to do so. If you provide more concrete reasons as to why you should study hard, it would be even better.
From. Sharon Jeon Assignment No.1
ReplyDeleteHi! Interesting essay~ Hope you achieve your goals this year!
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that it is easy to follow. I was able to read your essay from beginning to end without having to stop and reread some parts for clarification. One reason your essay was easy to follow was because the concluding sentence of your first body paragraph suggests the content of the next paragraph, making the transition smooth.
2. Your main point seems to be that you are going to study hard and aim for scholarship. But from time to time, you are also going to go scuba diving as a means of relieving stress.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
"If I only study, my head might explode.."
There is sincerity in this sentence. I could tell that you really meant what you wrote. The word "explode" was very powerful! Dramatic expressions such as "my head might explode" made your essay much more interesting to read.
4. You've already been scuba diving in the past, thus you have already been achieving this goal in the previous years. Therefore, I think your essay would be more powerful if there was a specific level or task in scuba diving that you are planning to accomplish this year.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is adding a bit more supporting details to your body paragraphs. For instance, you said your goal was to study hard and get a scholarship. In order to do this, you said you will participate well in class. Maybe this paragraph would be more powerful if you specified how you are going to study to achieve your goals like reviewing your notes before going to bed or getting in the habit of doing your assignments early.
Nice job! I really enjoyed reading your essay~~!
To Jung Yong Go From Okjin Kim on the first 2014 assignment
Delete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that my making your essay simple and clear, I could read your writing comfortably. You never used word difficult, you tried to write it in a more easy way. I like the way you write.
2.Your main point seems to be that studying all day long is a hard work and it could bring an opposite effect, so you would overcome that problem by giving yourself a freetime.
3.This particular word struck me as powerful, 'Explode' I thought it was not only an interseting expression but also an expression that showed exactly how you feel. This particular line struck me as powerful,'I persuaded my mom that I will get all A+ and win a scholarship, if she lets me live near the Hufs.' I love this part becasue I can feel your strong will. I hope you would make it this semester.
4.Just one thing isn't clear to me. It is a new year, 2014 and you said you would prove your improvement when it comes to grade. Howver, you said you would do scuba diving in your free time. I agree with your thinking that having a rest is a good idea. But I hope you would challenge something else you've never done not the scuba dibing you'vve already done in the past. Cause It's new year!
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is setting goals that can be achieved. I'm not saying that you are impossible to get an all A+. But in my little opinion, new year's resolution should be something more realistic. I hope your strong will would make it all come true.