2014
201300489 Bo-won Kim
A goal doesn't have to be something big. It can be something small and simple. People tend to
make their goals so high that they quit in the middle of process towards their goals. It gets worse
when the goal is for the entire year. I was one of them, too. My goals for year 2013 were
unspecific and unbelievably high that I could not even get near them. It is still one of my regrets
that I spent my year doing nothing. I believe that when a goal is set, a hope follows that leads
you towards a happy year. Therefore, I've set some goals that I can achieve through this year.
The first and the most important goal for this year could be some academic achievements both in
my major and my second major. Because last year I didn't study at all or just going through
books just the day before an exam. I will not repeat that again and try hard to get high scores
and not get behind my peers.
The second goal is to do the thing that I've wanted to do. It sounds quite unrealistic but
regarding that I have finally found the thing I've wanted to do which is a marketing, is such a big
news for me. Specifically, my goal is related to activities outside the college campus, like
campaigns. As time goes by, I know there are things that I must give up and it could be one of those.
So while I have the time and a chance, I'm going to do the thing I want to do this year.
The last goal of my year would be to take care of my health. Last year, as any freshmen would do,
I drank all night, going all the way and not taking any warning alerts from my body. As it turned
out, I have a quite a serious health problem and it became my wake-up call for taking care of my
own health. From now on, I cannot ban drinking from my life, but I'll try my best to reach out the goal.
2014 is going to be a challenge for me as I've set three goals that I must achieve - academic
achievements, works on marketing which I've wanted to do and taking care of my health.
However, it also is going to be a meaningful year. Now who would hesitate to set goals for one's
year? I bet it is going to be fascinating when looking back after achieving all the goals that one
has set for 2014.
To Bo-won Kim From Do Hee Kim
ReplyDeleteAssigntment Number 1
1. What I like about this writing is the specific goals you have set.
2. Your main point seems to be three goals that the writer must achieve.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful.
-Now who would hesitate to set goals for one's year?
I liked the line because it is a rhetorical question and it makes the writing more interesting for the readers.
-A goal doesn't have to be something big.
I liked this line because it is very simple but intriguing as well.
4. Some things aren't clear to me. These lines could be improved (meaning not clear, supporting points missing, order seems mixed up, writing not lively..)
So while I have the time and a chance, I'm going to do the thing I want to do this year.
I think it would've been better if you had elaborated on the 'thing', even though you had in the previous sentences.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this peice of writing is..
I liked your writing and I do feel the same way in that the goals do not have to be big. Achieving simple goals are hard too. If I could make one change in your writing, it could be adding more lines in your body paragraph. It just an option though. :)
To Bo-Won Kim
ReplyDeleteFrom So Young NA
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that the structure of the essay is well organized. Each body paragraphs have specific topic sentences.
2. Your main point seems to be setting three specific goals to achiece this year.
3. I liked this sentence,
"So while I have the time and a chance, I'm going to do the thing I want to do this year."
because it describes very well what the writer is trying to say with this essay.
Also, 'wake-up call' is a nice vocabulary usage.
4. "My goals for year 2013 were unspecific and unbelievably high that I could not even get near them."
From this sentence in introduction, you could've give an example of 'unspecific and unbelievably high goals' in order to show contrast with three goals for 2014.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is that it would've been better to explain why academic achievement is the most important goal in order to help reader's understanding.
Thank you.