The new-born diligent man project 2014
“The leading rule for the lawyer, as for the man of every other calling, is diligence. Leave nothing for tomorrow which can be done today.” This sentence is a quote on diligence by Abraham Lincoln, the most beloved and respected leader in American history. I’m a kind of logical person so I don’t want to appeal to authority believing it’s true because it’s said by him, but nobody would disagree with that quote above, except the person who just failed his employment exam after giving an effort with it for years waking up early everyday and complains about the irrationalities of our society not thinking his lack of effort and diligence. I totally agree with the quote and this faith came from a lot of failure, which made me pledge never to fail again with the same reason-lack of diligence.
Diligence has never been mine, which is proved by the truth I just up-loaded this assignment in the last hour of the last day. I’ve missed many things I could have taken if I had been more diligence. For instance, two years ago, I had a tooth decay with my molar and I kept putting the day off to go to the dentist. As a result, I had to get a nerve in that part removed. How much did I lose from this postponement? Money from awfully expensive dental treatment, time, I could have studied or made some money, and my hair, from the pain when I got my teeth treated, which also can cause the same money, time, and hair problem for the hair-loss treatment.
One more biggest loss happened last year. I stayed in London for a year in 2013 to enjoy my life. Before I got there, I had arranged my plan for the whole year and working out everyday, not using Korean, waking up early everyday, and etc. about diligent life were in the list. However, the only thing I did regularly everyday was drink everyday. As a result, you and I can see this never-improved English essay, and my 11kg-heavier body than I used to be before I had been in London from my lack of diligence. It’s not simply the loss of health, but there would be a lot of potential loss like getting lazier and lazier. It seems to be a vicious circle. It’s time I had to change myself moving my big body and being diligent with my new plans.
Now I started going to the dentist again with the problem in the same tooth, but I didn’t go last time just to sleep few hours more in the morning. I made an appointment with a dentist again today, and the next time I go there would be the beginning of my new plans for this year, the new-born diligent man project 2014. I got one lesson from my loss which has come from my laziness. “Be diligent not for getting things, but for not to lose what you have or what you could have taken.”
To. Daewon Shin From. So-eun Yoon Assignment no.1
ReplyDeleteHello Daewon. Your essay was very funny. It made me laugh in many parts! Anyways here are my comments.
1. What I liked about your piece of writing is that your essay includes lots of personal examples on why you need to make diligence a priority this year.
Because of many great examples, I could really emphasize with your hopes of becoming a more dilligent man starting this year.
2. Your main point seems to be about your new year's resolution which is to become a dilligent man.
3. I found this line very powerful.
"Diligence has never been mine, which is proved by the truth I just up-loaded this assignment in the last hour of the last day."
This sentence really made your point more powerful since you did update your homework in the last minute, which actually made your argument alot stronger:)
4. This line was too long for me to understand.
" I’m a kind of logical person so I don’t want to appeal to authority believing it’s true because it’s said by him, but nobody would disagree with that quote above, except the person who just failed his employment exam after giving an effort with it for years waking up early everyday and complains about the irrationalities of our society not thinking his lack of effort and diligence."
I do understand what you are trying to say in this sentence, but it is too long for the readers to grasp your argument.
5. One thing that could really help you improve your writing is to make your sentences more concise!! A lot of your sentences are too long, and if you divided them into separate sentences, your essay would be alot easier for the readers to understand.
Thank you and I will see you next week!
To. Daewon Shin / From. Hae Jin Jang / Assignment No. 1
ReplyDeleteHello, first of all I really enjoyed your amusing piece of writing. ;)
1. What I liked about this piece of writing is that you included so much personal examples that made the writing have more of an impact on the reader. Also the humor you added in made the reader want to continue reading it :)
2. Your main point seems to be that being a diligent person is very important and that you're continuing to work on becoming one.
3. I found this sentence powerful. "As a result, you and I can see this never-improved English essay, and my 11kg-heavier body than I used to be before I had been in London from my lack of diligence."
Although I don't personally know you I can tell by your example that you're clearly trying to say that your trip to London was a failure. The way your English never improved and the weight you put on gives a powerful back up to the importance of diligence, and what happens if you don't become a diligent person.
4. What wasn't clear to me is the following sentence. "Money from awfully expensive dental treatment, time, I could have studied or made some money, and my hair, from the pain when I got my teeth treated, which also can cause the same money, time, and hair problem for the hair-loss treatment."
I understand what you're trying to say however I think the sentence is too wordy which makes it sound very complicated. Maybe dividing the sentence into two to explain a little more clearer could help.
5. The one change I would make is to try untangle the sentences so that it sounds simpler and easier to understand. Some of the sentences I had to read twice to double check if what I understood is actually what you're trying to say. Like mentioned in the previous comment, I agree that making your sentences a little more concise will help the reader to understand exactly what you're trying to say.