| 2014, the year of training
Looking back 2013, it was full of fun but lack of the fruits. I met great people, joined cool club, and traveled wonderful spots. Some people might think of my last year as fascinating. However, in terms of being a more mature man, I failed. Therefore, I decided to accomplish following 3 goals this year, which are directly related to making me a more mature man.
First of all, I want to be a good sophomore to freshmen. In my opinion, a good sophomore is someone who encourages freshmen to behave themselves. A good sophomore should be easy to talk to and at the same time, (s)he has to distinguish what good behavior freshmen should do is from what is not. I am trying my best to become a nice sophomore, but sometimes I find it really hard job. Even though I may be disappointed at freshmen sometimes, I will embrace them and keep trying to be a good sophomore.
Secondly, I will pay much attention to my school grades. My grades in last semester were almost disastrous. It was not because the courses I took were bad but because I did not care if there is any assignment. In addition, I frequently skipped class oversleeping. Those stupid behaviors put me in a hopeless quandary. However, in this year, I decided to put things right, and I think I am doing fine so far. Not wanting to get same grades, I always make it my top priorities to be present in class and check homework.
Thirdly, I want to go backpacking to somewhere alone to be an independent person. I did not set the exact spot for it but it does not matter whether it is abroad or not. All I want to get from the backpacking is sense of independence. Although I have been to foreign countries many times, I had tour guides and accompany every time. They were good experience too, but I want more dynamic tour which is solely dependent on my capacity to plan the tour.
As stated above, I choose 3 objectives to clear needed for me to be a more grown adult. They were being a nice sophomore, caring about grades very much, and going backpacking. I guess I am doing those jobs pretty nice so far, but I will do them harder and harder in order not to fall into idleness.
|
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Kunhoo Park / 2014 / Tuesday 11am~1pm
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
To Kunhoo Park from Jung Yong Ko
ReplyDeletewhat i like about this writing is the structure. by using first, second, third, and lastly, it made me understand perfectly what you were going to write about. your main point seems to be, achieving three goals in order to become a real man. :) the sentence "My grades in last semester were almost disastrous." because i thought i was only one who got disastrous grade. Welcome brother :) While, the sentence "it was full of fun but lack of the fruits" was not clear enough. i had no idea what you were talking about. i could see that you used lots of vocabs but you used freshman and sophomore too often. why dont you use "first year student" instead of keep saying freshman.
201101524 Park Hyun-ju
ReplyDeleteHello, Kunhoo Park. I really enjoyed your essay. I wish you a good luck on your goals for this year.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that your essay is really well organized. You clearly suggested your three goals for this year and each paragraph starts with its topic sentence. This allows your readers to grasp your main idea more easily and quickly.
2. Your main point seems to be that you would focus on being a good sophomore, getting good grades and going backpacking.
3. My favorite line in your essay is the first sentence. It catches the attention of your readers and make them wonder why you think that way.
4. This sentence "However, in terms of being a more mature man, I failed. " was not really clear to me. It would have been better if you provided details as to why you think you have failed to become more mature.
5. It would have been even better if you have been a little more specific about your plan for backpacking. I understand that you haven't mapped out detailed plans but it would make your essay more interesting if you have shared more detailed thougts and ideas for your trip.
To Kunhoo Park/ From Soyi Lee/ week2, about 2014
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you really set desirable plans for this year. Actually what I wrote about 2014 is not to plan anything, but live like it’s the last day. However, reading your essay, I came to think that your plans are all realistic and you can make it real. To me, planning to be a mature man is something already mature man does! Congratulation!
2. Your main point seems to be ‘3 resolutions in 2014 to be a mature man’, which includes ‘being a good advisor to freshmen’, ’caring about GPA better than last year’, and ‘traveling somewhere alone’. I especially liked your idea to care about your GPA. Hope you don’t oversleep and miss classes or tests
3. These particular lines struck me as powerful : “My grades in last semester were almost disastrous.”
The word ‘disastrous’ looks really impressive. By this noticeable and strong word, your whole sentence stands out and I could easily guess how disappointed you were by your GPA. I learned that strong and unique vocabulary is a key to make remarkable sentences and esaays
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved: “As stated above, I choose 3 objectives to clear needed for me to be a more grown adult. They were being a nice sophomore, caring about grades very much, and going backpacking.”
I think that the tense could be unified into one. In the first sentence you used ‘choose’, the simple present and in the second one you used ‘there were’, the simple past. If I’m right, you could change some words and make things clearer.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is to paraphrase some expressions and use more vocabularies. Especially in the first paragraph, ‘good sophomore’ is repeatedly written. Maybe you could change them into something as ‘helpful advisor’ or more. If you could express them in various words, your essay would come in live and be more interesting to read