Ok JIn Kim/ 2014/ Tuesday 11a.m.
Never forget the first intention
At the first day of new year, everyone is busy dreaming some wonderful goals. To smokers, quitting smoking would be one of them, or to obese people, losing weight can be one of them. However. I didn't set up many goals, even I never thought about something big or something impossible to achieve. Having done before usually, I simply set up this, 'Better than last year'.
Every year, I always set up a same goal. I am the person who think that people should improve themselves as years pass by. Until I was 12 years old, I didn't study at all and I hated sports. So I was always at the bottom when it comes to studying, and it was very hard for me to make friends. I have changed since I was 13 years old. That was the first time I made the simple goal 'Better than last year'. I started to study English and play soccer. My father taught me one English book every single week. If I didn't finish, he hit my feet 200 times. I tried my best not to be hit. My father gathered my classmates every Saturday and played soccer with us for me. Thanks to my father I could continuously develop myself a lot and stand here. Here I am as a student of Hufs majoring in English Interpretation & Translation and here I am as one of the key players in soccer team of college of English.
However, last year, 2013, was the worst year ever in my life. I consoled myself that it's time to give me a rest. Since 13, I have never looked back trying to be better in many ways. So, I'd like to feel some kind of freedom as a university student. I never studied except for the exam days. I stopped writing down a daily plan in a planner. I played computer game and drank with friend every day. I hardly invested my time in self-improvement. Literally I wasted year 2013. Though I wasted time, I realized a lot and regretted a lot. Looking back 2013, I felt skeptical and a sense of futility and I was ashamed of myself. Looking back others, I felt worth and was proud of myself.
For now, I know why the given time is precious. I know exactly what I have to do and where I should invest my time. I admit that I wasted a year. But this year must be different. I will get back to my first intention. I will prove that I am the person who can still improve myself.
To Ok jin Kim/ From Jinling Tian/ Assignment no.1
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy to read your essay.
1.What I like about this piece of writing is every sentence in the paragraphs is so clear that ia can easily to go through the essay and no confusions
2.Your main point seems to be that you have changed a lot when you was 13 years old because of your father and you regretted a lot in the last year.
3.The sentence I found powerful is 'I will prove that i'm the person who can still improve myself '
i like this sentence because it sums up the main points in the essay.
4.This sentence 'looking back others, I felt worth and proud of myself' was not really clear to me . It would have been better if you provide details why you proud of yourself. you mainly wrote about what you did when you 13 years old and you father helped you.
5.The one thing your writing could improve on is maybe add one more body paragraph. Then write more detail about how you are trying to change.