201300764 김재호 (Kim Jeaho)
The Past and the Present
It has already been a year since 2013, the year when I began University and had my first step into society. Whenever I stroll around the campus, I occasionally have this nostalgic feeling and remember when I was freshman. If I recall my freshman self, I was very oblivious and immature of the world around me. I did not give a thought about my diminishing grades, I enjoyed afterschool parties with my fellow friends, and I was ignorant to warnings. After fully entertaining myself in 2013, I believe that it is time for me to change and develop myself. Even I, myself, cannot stand being naïve every day, thus I plan to use the opportunity in 2014 to revise my actions to transform into an acknowledgeable student in HUFS.
In the year of 2014, I plan to make three major adjustments that I believe will change how I act in the new school year. First, I plan to make a timetable which consists of my daily must-dos. By making a timetable, I can effectively sort out my schedule and conservatively utilize my limited time in school. Additionally, I learned by experience that exercise is an amazing way to refresh my brain and improve my stamina. Exercising enhanced my concentration and decreased my daily stress, so I was certain that exercising every day is a must because it drastically changed the uncomfortable lifestyle that I was accustomed to. Most importantly, I intend to accept the warning and advices that my family gives. This seemed very critical because whenever I was oblivious to my parents' warnings, I always regretted for not attentively listening to what they had to say.
Therefore, by creating a timetable, exercising daily, and accepting my parents' opinions, I am going to transform my current naïve self into a respectable and reliable student and son. By doing so, I am very certain that my grades will improve and I would become more mature while partying with my friends.
To Jaeho Kim from Jaehyun Park :)
ReplyDeleteWhat I love about this piece of writing is the structure and flow. It is well-organized and thus easy to understand! Your main point seems to be that you are hoping to make three major adjustments to change and develop yourself this year. Impressive :D The sentence "exercising enhanced my concentration and decreased my daily stress" struck me as powerful because it is simple but sends the message very clearly. Love it. On the other hand, the phrase "ignorant to warnings" was somewhat confusing and unclear because I wasn't sure what kind of warnings you were referring to. In the end, I could see that you meant advice from your parents. It would be better if you use a different vocabulary to clarify the meaning in the first place. I was trying to figure out what you could change to improve this writing but I am having a hard time so I quit! Hope you accomplish all your goals this year :)
To Jaeho Kim from Jung Yong Ko
ReplyDeletewhat i like about this writing is the introduction. you wrote the introduction with detail that everytime i read it i automatically imagine you strolling around the campus and not giving a thing about the grade. Your main points seems to be that you want to make three adjustment and become acknowledgeable student in HUFS. The sentence "the year when I began University and had my first step into society" struck me because i had no idea how to explain getting into society naturally and you wrote it "had my first step into society". It was really impressive. Also the sentence " refresh my brain " was interesting too. in my writing i wrote "rest my mind" but the sentence " refresh my brain " sounds better. on the other hand, you used the same word too often. it will be much better if you use synonyms.