The purpose of this festival, which takes place in Boryeong, Korea, is to introduce mud to the world, which is widely known as its good effect on the skin, and give people opportunities to experience lots of unique programs like swimming, sliding, and fighting in mud. To enjoy those programs which the festival offers perfectly, before going to the beach, visitors prepare old clothes they don’t wear anymore, or swimming suit. It is because nobody wants to destroy their favorite clothes for stains from mud hard to be removed or people want to cover their body up in mud as much as possible for the skin.
Once getting ready to enjoy, they go out to the beach where the festival takes place and go around the beach seeing and considering which programs to take part in. Kids who came with their parents go down to the mud slide and no parents give a scold their children for covering up their whole bodies in mud; Some prankful guys throw chunks of mud to their friends. Every single person forgets cares and worries from the work, study, or something, and enjoys happiness which they hardly gain from an ordinary life.
After all the programs finishes in the evening, people prepare to start their own festivals. The festival of the day finished officially, but they think it is the beginning of a real festival. They first go around the beach finding a good restaurant to satisfy their hunger that the energetic festival brought. Foreigners enjoy Korean traditional food and drinks such as Korean barbecue and Makgeolli. People are not hungry anymore, but still want to drink; Some people bring some beer and drink it sitting down on the beach watching fireworks by someone who wants to let off some firecrackers making spectacular scenes in the sky. Parents give handy fireworks to their children and let the swing them; and couples walk along the coast holding each other’s hands under the starry night sky. Each groups of people enjoys their own festivals forgetting the night grows late.
Despite the volunteer experience at the festival, I never taken part in the programs the festival has. I, however, can give you some advice about how to enjoy the Boryeong Mud Festival properly, and showed you how people usually have a great time there, which helps you have more fun when you are at the beach of joy. I strongly recommend to go and take part in this fantastic festival if you want to be crazy without thinking and worrying about anything. Come to my home town where this festival takes place, spend money, and make my family rich!
From chaelim to Daewon.
ReplyDeleteHello! I really enjoyed your writing. However, I think your essay doesn't have a thesis statement. I guess 'After a two week volunteer activity with this kind of observation, I found out some common ways to enjoy the festival between the visitors' is supposed to be a thesis statement, but it's a weak one.
Although you explained Boryeong mud festival in body paragraphs, I think it could have been better if you write a little more background about this festival. For example, I don't know when it takes place and how long does this festival takes place.
Each paragraph present a different part of the process. Also, you arranged body paragraphs well. start from the purpose of the festival, then explain the programs and things people can do after the festival. I can see how this festival goes.
As I said before, it would be better if you give more information about the festival such as time or (exact)location.
I can see you end your essay with recommendation, which is inviting us to your hometown.
Boryeong Mud Festival (2nd draft)
ReplyDelete200801739 Daewon Shin
There is a time that you envy some people you even don’t know. For me, that time was about 8 years ago, on the Boryeong Mud Festival, one of the most famous festivals in Korea. This famous festival, especially to foreigners, is held in the middle of July in Boryeong, Korea, and it lasts 10days. As a local, I volunteered to help visitors find their ways to shops or toilets, and clean up the beach after festival of the day finished. I saw a lot of couples, families with kids, and foreigners who came to take part in the festival while volunteering, which gave me fun of watching a variety of people as well as jealousy of them. After a two week volunteer activity with this kind of observation, I found out some common ways to enjoy the festival among visitors and how this festival goes.
The purpose of this festival is to introduce mud to the world, which is widely known as its good effect on the skin, and give people opportunities to experience lots of unique programs like swimming, sliding, and fighting in mud. To enjoy those programs which the festival offers perfectly, before going to the beach, visitors prepare old clothes they don’t wear anymore, or swimming suit. It is because nobody wants to destroy their favorite clothes for stains from mud which is hard to be removed, or people want to cover their body up in mud as much as possible for smooth skin.
Once getting ready to enjoy, they go out to the beach where the festival takes place and go around the beach seeing many festival stuff and considering which programs to take part in. Kids who came with their parents go down to the mud slide and no parents give a scold their children for covering up their whole bodies in mud during the festival; some prankful guys throw chunks of mud to their friends. Every single person forgets cares and worries from work, study, or something else, and enjoys happiness which they hardly gain from an ordinary life.
After all the programs finishes in the evening, people prepare to start their own festivals. The festival of the day finished officially, but they take it for the beginning of a real festival. They first go around the beach finding a good restaurant to satisfy their hunger that the energetic festival brought. Foreigners enjoy Korean traditional food and drinks such as Korean barbecue and Makgeolli. People are not hungry anymore, but still want to drink; The next thing some people do is to bring some beer and drink it sitting down on the beach watching fireworks by someone wanting to let off some firecrackers making spectacular scenes in the sky. Parents give handy fireworks to their children and let the swing them and couples walk along the coast holding each other’s hands under the starry night sky. Each group of people enjoys their own festivals forgetting the night grows late.
Despite the volunteer experience at the festival, I never actually taken part in the programs the festival has. I, however, can give you some advice about how to enjoy the Boryeong Mud Festival properly, and showed you how people usually have a great time there, which helps you have more fun when you are at the beach of joy. I strongly recommend to go and take part in this fantastic festival if you want to be crazy without thinking and worrying about anything which makes your mind complicated. Come to my home town where this festival takes place, spend money, and make my family rich, and you will get more than you spend!