| 2014 Essay 201101524 Park Hyun-ju
<My new year's resolutions for 2014>
On the first day of 2014, I was full of hope for the year ahead. Like others, I like to make resolutions to improve myself in the coming year. I made a long list of 2014 missions that I wanted to achieve this year and then crossed out less important ones. I narrowed them down into three most important goals: reading newspapers everyday, learning how to swim, and studying Japanese.
Since January first 2014, I have read newspapers everyday. By reading newspapers, I can be updated with current events. I now have a clearer idea of what is happening inside and outside of my country. When I am reading a newspaper, I don't skip any section and try to read the whole contents. By reading the entire paper every day, I can get information about politics, economy, entertainment, sports, business, industry, trade and commerce. It usually takes more than an hour but I can feel that this habit has dramatically improved my knowledge.
My second resolution was to learn how to swim. I was afraid of water and always panicked when I went into deep water. I have thought about taking swimming lessons since I was young but I made all kinds of excuses to myself to avoid taking the challenge. However, as of January first 2014, I have been taking swimming lessons once a week and now I am not afraid of water. Although I am still a beginner, I learned several strokes and now I can swim in a shallow pool.
Studying Japanese was the last but most important resolution for this year. I have a Japanese Language Proficiency Test this July and I am applying for the highest level which requires a lot of efforts. For the last two months, I have studied Japanese on my own in a library near my house but I didn't make a lot of progress. So I signed up for one Japanese class this semester and registered for a Japanese class in a private institution. I will study harder from now on so that I can pass the test in July.
The year 2014 is especially important for me since it is my last year in college. Since I became a senior this year, I should be more responsible for my duties and keep promises I made to myself. I hope that on the last day of 2014, I will have achieved my three 2014 missions and feel proud of myself. |
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Park Hyun-ju/2014/Tue 11 a.m. class
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To. Hyun-ju Park From. So-eun Yoon Assignment no1.
ReplyDeleteHello Hyun-ju, I found your essay very interesting:) So here are my comments!
1. What I especially like about your writing was that your essay included a lot of specific details regarding your three goals for 2014.
2. Your main point of this essay seems to be the three goals for this year and your hopes of accomplishing them.
3. Some of the lines in this essay that I found very powerful were "I narrowed them down into three most important goals: reading newspapers everyday, learning how to swim, and studying Japanese." and " I hope that on the last day of 2014, I will have achieved my three 2014 missions and feel proud of myself." I liked the first sentence because your thesis statement was very clear about what you are going to discuss next throughout the body paragraphs. Also, I liked the last sentence of your conlusion because it seemed like a great way to wrap up your essay and to signal your readers that this is the end of your essay.
4. Something that was unclear to me was the objective of your last body paragraph. As a reader, I would have liked to read about your objectives of learning Japanese and preparing for the upcoming Japanese examination. By knowing your reasons, I would have found this paragraph more interesting.
5. One change you could make to make your writing more appealing to the readers is to start your introduction by using a hook. By using a hook, you could grab the readers' attention more easily and entertain them. Also, indenting the start of every new paragraph would have made your writing look more organized!
I will see you in class! Bye
To Park Hyun-ju From Xeniya Pak
ReplyDeleteHello! I enjoyed reading your essay and I wish you to accomplish your goals during this year! Let me comment on your essay.
1. What I liked about your essay is that you are trying to increase your knowledge about different areas such as economy, politics, sport, business, foreign language, swimming and so on. You have precise list of plans which are provided with background information and details.
2. Your main point seems to be focusing on self-development in order to become a responsible and independent person.
3. The most powerful phrase that I found in your essay was thesis statement. “I narrowed them down into three most important goals: reading newspapers everyday, learning how to swim, and studying Japanese.” I think that is really easy to understand what you are going to discuss in body paragraphs since you clearly have described all your supporting ideas in a thesis statement.
4. Well, there is only one thing that is not clear for me. In your body paragraphs you were describing about reading newspaper and learning how to swim, so it means that you have already achieved these goals.
5. It would be better if you will focus on things which you will be doing and improving during this year but not that you have already done.