Keys to happiness.
Every person tries to find happiness, feel happiness or be happy forever. However, the concept of happiness is individual for every person. Someone say that happiness is internal state of mind, which does not depend on external life and its circumstances. But others believe that pursuing happiness we don't notice that it is near us all the time. There are three effects that cause happiness in our life: having great state of health, sincere relationship with family and successful career.
The first important thing that makes people happy is having a great state of health that they must take care of. Many people don't realize the significance of health until they feel some illness. People who are usually happy and debonair about their life are less likely than others to get ill. Having a good health can bring us many benefits such as opportunity to participate in different activities and improving our productivity which automatically leads to happiness. Therefore it is important to take care of health.
The second effect of happiness is family. Having family we learn how to love and understand each other, take care of someone, forgive and respect others. Family always will support us in difficult situations and will be happy for our success or achievement. Family can encourage us to make goals and accomplish them. I believe without family and their support people will never have true happiness.
Another effect of happiness is successful career. It is not only about what is our position in society and how much money do we earn. It is more about enjoying the work we are doing. According to statistics, people who are doing the work they like are satisfied their life. Therefore doing a job with a big pleasure leads us to happiness.
In conclusion, if we have sincere relationship with family, great state of health and successful career, our life will bring us happiness. We need to receive love and support, energy and inspiration.
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Kseniya Pak
1. The thesis statement seems to be "There are three effects that cause happiness in our life: having great state of health, sincere relationship with family and successful career."
ReplyDelete2. Each body paragraph contains a topic sentence very clearly!
3. The causes are explained in a logical way.
4. The writer does not really use connectors but I had no problem understanding her point.
5. The conclusion restates the three causes.
6. The conclusion has an evaluation; that having a sincere relationship with your family, good health and successful career will bring happiness as well as other positive things.
If I were to point out one thing you could improve, it would be that your conclusion is a little weak. The message in it is great, that we need to receive love, support, energy, and inspiration but it might be conveyed to the readers more effectively if you explain this a little bit more. Seems too short and simple! But I loved your essay and totally agree with the three causes of happiness you mentioned in the writing :D
From Seung Hyun Kim To Xeniya Park
ReplyDelete1. I think the general thesis about the causes and effect in the introduction is the following sentence: There are three effects that cause happiness in our life: having great state of health, sincere relationship with family and successful career.
2. The topic sentences in each body paragraphs are the following sentences: 'The first important thing that makes people happy is having a great state of health that they must take care of.', 'the second effect of happiness is family.', and ' Another effect of happiness is successful career.'
3. I belive the writer explains the causes in a logical way. In each body paragraph, she mentions what makes happiness and by using cause and effect connectors, she relates it to how it makes happiness.
4. The writer uses the connector 'therefore' to show cause and effect.
5. The conclusion restates the causes in the following sentence: In conclusion, if we have sincere relationship with family, great state of health and successful career, our life will bring us happiness.
6. I believe there is not an evaluation or a reflection particularly in the conclusion.
Xeniya Pak
ReplyDeleteKeys to happiness.
Every person tries to find happiness, feel happiness or be happy forever. However, the concept of happiness is individual for every person. Someone say that happiness is internal state of mind, which does not depend on external life and its circumstances. But others believe that pursuing happiness we don’t notice that it is near us all the time. There are three effects that cause happiness in our life: having great state of health, sincere relationship with family and successful career.
The first important thing that makes people happy is having a great state of health that they must take care of. Many people don’t realize the significance of health until they feel some illness. People who are usually happy and debonair about their life are less likely than others to get ill. Having a good health can bring us many benefits such as opportunity to participate in different activities and improve our productivity which automatically leads to happiness. Therefore it is important to take care of health.
The second effect of happiness is family. Having family we learn how to love and understand each other, take care of someone, forgive and respect others. Family will always support us in difficult situations and will be happy for our success or achievement. Family can encourage us to make goals and accomplish them. I believe without family and their support people will never have true happiness.
Another effect of happiness is successful career. It is not only about what is our position in society and how much money do we earn. It is more about enjoying the work we are doing. According to statistics, people who are doing the work they like are satisfied their life. Therefore doing a job with a big pleasure leads us to happiness.
In conclusion, it is important to have sincere relationship with family, great state of health and successful career thus our life will bring us happiness. If we realize that happiness is near us, we will receive love and support, energy and inspiration which are keys to our happiness.