Nowadays, we can easily find ourselves sing mobile phones when we have to call somebody, search information and even when we buy something. Whatever purpose of using mobile phone is, one can't live without it anymore. However though cellphone is useful, beneficial things are always followed by side-effects. Therefore government tries to take measures on using mobile phones. I strongly believe that it is unnecessary.
People who are in favor of government restrictions think that mobile phone is just nothing more than a tiny harmful machine. Firstly, it is strongly believed that mobile phone is the main reason why people are being isolated. Superficially, it seems that mobile phone facilitates communication by making it easier to connect with others, even including the people overseas. However, it is an indirect communication. We don't face with others; therefore, we can't know how others actually feel. Communication is degenerated into a formal talk.
Secondly, in the world we use machine as a tool, we can be dominated by mobile phones in the opposite. We tend to learn on cellphone and solve things by it, even the stuff we can do on our own. What's worse, especially for teenagers, they waste their precious time on playing mobile phone s and meaningless talk all day long. It is generally agreed that indiscriminate use of mobile phone cause lots of car accidents.
However, the arguments against government regulation on cellphone are in terms of its effectiveness. Though government enacts a law, there's no any practical ways to monitor whatever people are against a law or not, one by one. In addition, not only as it takes a quite a long time to legislate a law, but also we don't know which kind of side-effects it would be bring, it is not a thing to decide so easily. Also we should not overlook the positive sides of using cellphone. For example, when we driving, there's an accident around you or sudden seizure in the back seat, using mobile phone in a car can be a life-saving call.
In conclusion, there's no doubt that using mobile phone has both positive effects and negative effects. However, I doubt that the regulation of government tried to save people would be a delicious apple we eat, or the poisoned apple Snow White are. Government restriction may be a fallacy of hasty generalization.
From Naeun Kang to Jinling Tian
ReplyDelete1. Yes. It has a general thesis about the causes and effect. “However though cellphone is useful, beneficial things are always followed by side-effects. Therefore government tries to take measures on using mobile phones. I strongly believe that it is unnecessary.”
2. Yes, it has. In the first and the second body paragraph, why mobile phone is harmful; it is the main reason why people are being isolated and we can be dominated by mobile phones. In the third body paragraph, the writer shows the arguments against government regulation on cellphone.
3. Yes, they are. The writer writes both opinions and explains why they think in that way, giving some examples.
4. Yes. I can find, but not many. Though the writer don’t use connectors a lot, connection is natural.
5. Yes. The writer mentions there are positive and negative effects.
6. I think you wrote in a logical way, but it is not related to our topic: ‘natural phenomenon’, ‘famous person’, ‘historical event’. It will be great if you specify the topic in detail more.
From Daewon Shin, to Jinling Tian
ReplyDelete1. Yes it does. I think it is shown in the last three sentences, and 'therefore' shows that why it happened and how it happened. Cause and effect.
2. I think so; Cell phones are harmful because they isolate people from each other, could be a waste of time and a reason of car accident in the 1st, and 2nd paragraphs; and they could have a good effect in terms of their effectiveness in the 3rd paragraph.
3. Generally yes, but I think you would write about positive side of cell phone seeing the introduction, but half your body paragraphs say about the side-effect of the phone,
4. It definitely shows causes and effects but can't find connectors showing them. But 'therefore' could be one of them.
5. Yes, but it could've been clearer I guess.
6. Yes, you evaluated about the regulation for the cell phone by government, and the last sentence clearly show it.
Thank you!
second draft
ReplyDelete201302999 Jinling Tian
Nowadays, we can easily find ourselves using mobile phones when we have to call somebody, search information and even we buy something. Whatever purpose of using mobile phone is, one can't live without it anymore. However, cellphone is useful, beneficial things that are always followed by side-effects. Therefore government tries to take measures on using mobile phones. I strongly believe that it is unnecessary.
People who are in favor of government restrictions think that mobile phone is just nothing more than a tiny harmful machine. Firstly, it is strongly believed that mobile phone is the main reason why people are being isolated. Superficially, it seems that mobile phone facilitates communication by making it easier to connect with others, even including the people overseas. However, it is an indirect communication. We don't face with others; therefore, we can't know how others actually feel. Communication is degenerated into a formal talk.
Secondly, in the world we use machine as a tool, we can be dominated by mobile phones in the opposite. We tend to learn on cellphone and solve things by it, even the stuff we can do on our own. What's worse, especially for teenagers, they waste their precious time on playing mobile phones and meaningless talk all day long. It is generally agreed that indiscriminate use of mobile phone cause lots of car accidents.
Finally, the arguments against government regulation on cellphone are in terms of its effectiveness. Though government enacts a law, there's no any practical ways to monitor whatever people are against a law or not, one by one. In addition, not only as it takes a quite a long time to legislate a law, but also we don't know which kind of side-effects it would be bring, it is not a thing to decide so easily. Also we should not overlook the positive sides of using cellphone. For example, when we driving, there's an accident around you or sudden seizure in the back seat, using mobile phone in a car can be a life-saving call.
In conclusion, there's no doubt that using mobile phone has both positive effects and negative effects. However, I doubt that the regulation of government tried to save people would be a delicious apple we eat, or the poisoned apple Snow White are. Government restriction may be a fallacy of hasty generalization.