Torn Apart
There are many wars that broke out in the past. In my opinion, the war that many will remember and read in their history textbooks is World War II. This was a devastating war, which killed millions of people. The war took place mainly in Europe and later on, in the Pacific. The fight was cruel and gruesome, but the massacre of the Jews was noticeably the most harshest event of the war. The war left many people traumatized, destroyed many countries, and proved that the US is a superior country.
During the war, there are many casualties. Soldiers were sacrificed to man-made bombs and guns, which left many families in great sadness. Many sons and husbands were lost due to the war. This fact can't be helped because they were deployed by their home country to fight for their country. The more disturbing statistics are the mass murdering of the Jewish people by the Nazis. This not only showed the cruelty of mankind, but also how helpless people can be when their lives are being threatened. After the war, many books were published by people describing the happening of the war. For example, famous books like Diary of Anne Frank and Night show the horror of the Holocaust. Many people were horrified by what happened to the Jews, but each country also have been wrecked due to the war.
The firepower of this war was greatly increased compared to World War I. Technology have advanced, and it was no longer just a trench war. The more famous events that left a country in ruins is the bombarding of London by Germany. The Germans sent hundreds of planes to bombard London, and it left the place in chaos. Another would be the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. To end the war, the US dropped two atomic bombs in Japan, leaving the place in total chaos and eventually, in ashes. There are many pictures of these devastating bombings, and these picture show and tell thousands of words describing the action.
The United States were not fully engaged into the war until later in the war. When the US joined in, the war noticeably turned around to the Allies' and eventually they won the war. The support and firepower of the US was undeniably helpful. The bombing of Japan also showed the power of the US, silencing Japan once and for all to end the war. After the war, the US led on to fight against fascism and communism, sparking the start of the Cold War.
World War II not only stopped the Nazis gaining power, but also left many traumas and destroyed many countries. Many families were devastated because of what the war has done to their family and country. The United States proved to the world that they are indeed a superpower of the world, and ended the gruesome war with a bang.
Hello, I'm Chaelim :D
ReplyDelete1. I think 'The fight was cruel and gruesome, but the massacre of the Jews was noticeably the most harshest event of the war. The war left many people traumatized, destroyed many countries, and proved that the US is a superior country.' is the thesis part.
2. I think each paragraph has a topic sentences, but they hardly define a specific cause. For example, in the second body paragraph,I think the imcreased firepower is a feature of the world warⅡ, rather than the affect of the world war Ⅱ. And same logic goes for the third body paragraph
3. I think the causes are explained in a logical way.
4. No, I couldn't find any connectors.
5. Yes. The tregic affect of the WWⅡ is mentioned again.
6. I think there's no sentence that evalute or reflect the main point.
1. Yes
ReplyDeleteThe war left many people traumatized, destroyed many countries, and proved that the US is a superior country.
2. Yes the writer has topic sentences for each paragraph
3. Yes they are explained in a logical way.
4. The writer should use more connectors
5. Yes. the devastation is repeated again.
6. No personal evaluations or reflections were not shown
By. Jeaho Kim
ReplyDelete1. Yes. His thesis is "The war left many people traumatized, destroyed many countries, and proved that the US is a superior country."
2. Yes. Each body paragraph contains a thesis statement. However, I felt that the topic sentences do not clearly state the idea of the body paragraph.
3. Yes. The causes are explained in a logical way.
4. No.There are no connectors
5.Yes. He states the causes.
6.Yes. He said, " The United States proved to the world that they are indeed a superpower of the world, and ended the gruesome war with a bang".
Seon Hyuk Im
ReplyDelete201302846
2nd Draft
Torn Apart
There are many wars that broke out in the past. In my opinion, the war that many will remember and read in their history textbooks is World War II. This was a devastating war, which killed millions of people. The war took place mainly in Europe and later on, in the Pacific. The fight was cruel and gruesome, but the massacre of the Jews was noticeably the most harshest event of the war. The war left many people traumatized, destroyed many countries, and proved that the US is a superior country.
As a result of the war, there are many casualties. Soldiers were sacrificed to man-made bombs and guns, resulting in many families in great sadness. Many sons and husbands were lost due to the war. This fact can't be helped because they were deployed by their home country to fight for their country. The more disturbing statistics are the mass murdering of the Jewish people by the Nazis. This not only showed the cruelty of mankind, but also how helpless people can be when their lives are being threatened. After the war, many books were published by people describing the happening of the war. For example, famous books like Diary of Anne Frank and Night show the horror of the Holocaust. Many people were horrified by what happened to the Jews, but each country also have been wrecked due to the war.
The firepower of this war was greatly increased compared to World War I. Technology have advanced, and it was no longer just a trench war. The more famous events that left a country in ruins is the bombarding of London by Germany. The Germans sent hundreds of planes to bombard London, and it left the place in chaos. Another would be the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. To end the war, the US dropped two atomic bombs in Japan, leaving the place in total chaos and eventually, in ashes. There are many pictures of these devastating bombings, and these picture show and tell thousands of words describing the action.
The United States were not fully engaged into the war until later in the war. When the US joined in, the war noticeably turned around to the Allies' and eventually they won the war. The support and firepower of the US was undeniably helpful. The bombing of Japan also showed the power of the US, silencing Japan once and for all to end the war. After the war, the US led on to fight against fascism and communism, sparking the start of the Cold War.
World War II not only stopped the Nazis gaining power, but also left many traumas and destroyed many countries. Many families were devastated because of what the war has done to their family and country. The United States proved to the world that they are indeed a superpower of the world, and ended the gruesome war with a bang. Although the war was inevitable, the war showed how cruel man can be to its own kind, and the damage it can inflict on this planet.