Happiness Depends on You
Happiness is everybody’s desire. They say don’t worry, be happy; but what is this happiness that everyone is obsessed about? Many people say money and success is the key to happiness, but I have a different perspective. I think happiness is something you make out of what you already have. And the factors that are essential to this are family, work, and health.
No matter who you are, family is most likely to be a priority in your life. Just by having them in your life itself is happiness. They are the only people that can understand you and love you no matter what happens. They are the people you spend the ups and downs with. When you have someone special like your family to share your happiness with, that’s real happiness.
Success might give you the joy and pleasure in life, however you don’t always have to become the head CEO or the president of some fancy company to call it success. By working, you motivate yourself to do things to achieve a goal. Although the process of achieving it might be difficult, as a result, you feel great and happy. Working gives you a goal to achieve and the motivation to continue living, which therefore enhances self esteem, not to mention the money you earn which is probably going to lead to happiness.
The most important factor is health. People with wealth, success, and even a lovely family cannot be absolutely happy unless they have health. What possibly could be more important than having a healthy body that allows you to live conveniently? Without health, what good can any of the factors mentioned above do? Health is not only important to yourself, but you need to be happy in order to take care of the people you care about as well. You can only work and share the joys of life with family if you are healthy to do so. Therefore, health is the most important factor to happiness.
I believe you need to have independent satisfaction from work, the shared joy with loving family members, and most importantly health, the key to happiness. If you already have all three factors in your life, and still cannot say you’re happy, then that is a matter of thinking. Happiness is having those three factors as a foundation and your motivation and positive thinking doing the rest, by taking the moment and making it the best you can.
To. Hae-jin Jang From. So-eun Yoon
ReplyDeleteHello Hae-Jin,
I hope you are having a wonderful weekend with your family^^
So here are my feedbacks.
1. Yes, you have mentioned the causes and effects of leading a happy life. The causes of a happy life is to have a loving family, work, and health. Of course, the effect of all these would be happiness.
2. Yes, all of your body paragraphs include a topic sentence which defines a specific cause. In the first body paragraph, you mention the first cause of happiness which is to have a loving family. Then in the second body paragraph, you talk about the second cause of a happy life which is to have a job that one has great passion for. Finally, in the last body paragraph, you discuss your final cause which is to have a healthy body.
3. You give logical explanations to support your causes.
4. No, you have not used connectors to show cause and effect in your paragraphs, but even without them, I could understand the reasons behind your causes and what kind of an effect they bring about.
5. Yes, your conclusion restates the three causes you have mentioned in the body paragraphs.
6. You have included an evaluation.
"If you already have all three factors in your life, and still cannot say you’re happy, then that is a matter of thinking. Happiness is having those three factors as a foundation and your motivation and positive thinking doing the rest, by taking the moment and making it the best you can. "
It was really nice to read about what you think brings out the happiness in people's lives. I will try to lead a happy life by remembering the lessons you have given me.^^
201101524 Park Hyun-ju
ReplyDelete1. Yes, I think the last sentence "And the factors that are essential to this are family, work, and health." is a general thesis about the causes of happiness.
2. Yes, each paragraph has a topic sentence. The topic sentence of the first paragraph is "No matter who you are, family is most likely to be a priority in your life." The topic sentence for the second paragraph is "Working gives you a goal to achieve and the motivation to continue living, which therefore enhances self esteem, not to mention the money you earn which is probably going to lead to happiness." The topic sentence for the last body paragraph is "Therefore, health is the most important factor to happiness."
3. I think causes are explained in a logical way with concrete reasons and specific examples.
4. Yes. The writer used many connectors to effectively show cause and effect like therefore, As a result etc.
5. Yes, the conclusion effectively sums up the main ideas by restating the causes of happiness. "I believe you need to have independent satisfaction from work, the shared joy with loving family members, and most importantly health, the key to happiness."
6. The essay is very persuasive and attracts readers' attention by asking questions. I really enjoyed it!