A smoggy air
Last winter, many of us have considered wearing masks when leaving home, not because we had the flu or a bad cold, but because of the clearly serious amount of smog that is easily visible. This smog that has blown from China is caused mainly by emissions from power plants, vehicles, and other human activities, and is seriously affecting urban air quality.
Smog is derived from two words; smoke and fog. Smog is a slightly yellow or black fog formed mainly by a mixture of chemicals in the atmosphere. Smog is not only bad for the environment, but also for the people that are exposed to smog.
Minor exposure to smog can lead to greater threats of asthma attacks, so people suffering from asthma problems must avoid exposure. Smog also causes pre-mature deaths and affects densely populated areas. The highly affected people include old people, kids and those with cardiac and respiratory complications.
The smog also inhibits plant growth and causes immense damage to crops and forests. Crops and vegetables are subject to infection when they are exposed to smog. The smog results in mortifying impacts on environment by killing innumerable animals and plants as these take time to adapt to breathing and surviving in such toxic environments.
It is clear that smog is a serious environmental problem, and the smog that we were exposed to last winter was caused mainly by emissions from power plants and vehicles, among other things. It has serious effects in people, like respiratory problems such as asthma, and also gives serious problems to crops and forests, due to the toxic in it. The only way to prevent it is by changing our lifestyle, like reducing the usage of vehicles, or taking good care of them by changing oils and keeping the tires inflated. However if people do not even try to prevent it, this problem will grow bigger and bigger and the consequences will be unrepairable.
201101524 Park Hyun ju
ReplyDelete1. Yes the introduction includes a general thesis about the causes and effect.
This smog that has blown from China is caused mainly by emissions from power plants, vehicles, and other human activities, and is seriously affecting urban air quality.
2. Yes, each body paragrph except the very first one contains a topic sentence.
Body 2- Minor exposure to smog can lead to greater threats of asthma attacks, so people suffering from asthma problems must avoid exposure.
Body 3- The smog also inhibits plant growth and causes immense damage to crops and forests.
3. Yes, the causes and effects of smog is explained in a logical and detailed way so it was easy for me to understand how smog affects our lives.
4. No the writer didn't use a lot of connectors. It would be even better if he/she used connectors like 'as a result', 'therefore', 'since' etc
5. Yes the conclusion effectively sums up the main ideas by restating the causes.
6. Yes the writer suggests his/her own reflection by saying that "However if people do not even try to prevent it, this problem will grow bigger and bigger and the consequences will be unrepairable."
Helll, this is Chaelim :D
ReplyDelete1. I think the theis statement is 'This smog that has blown from China is caused mainly by emissions from power plants, vehicles, and other human activities, and is seriously affecting urban air quality'.
2. I think second and third body paragraph have a topic sentence that defices a specitic cause. The first body paragraph is about the origin of the term 'smog'.
3. Yes, I think all the causes are explained in a logical way.
4. No, there's no connectors.
5. I'm not sure which semtence restate the causes.
6.I think 'However if people do not even try to prevent it, this problem will grow bigger and bigger and the consequences will be unrepairable' is the reflection in the conclusion.
Assignment no. 4
ReplyDeleteSecond Draft
Chun Hyesoo
201303045
A smoggy air
Last winter, many of us have considered wearing masks when leaving home, not because we had the flu or a bad cold, but because of the clearly serious amount of smog that was easily visible. This smog, which has blown from central China, is caused mainly by emissions from power plants, vehicles, and other human activities, and is seriously affecting urban air quality.
Smog is derived from two words; smoke and fog. Smog is a slightly yellow or black fog formed mainly by a mixture of pollutants in the atmosphere that is formed by fine particles and ground level ozone. Due to this, smog is not only bad for the environment, but also for the people that are exposed to smog.
Minor exposure to smog can lead to greater threats of asthma attacks, so people suffering from asthma problems must avoid exposure. Smog also causes pre-mature deaths and affects densely populated areas and consequently building it up to dangerous levels. The highly affected people include old people, kids and those with cardiac and respiratory complications as they have easy tendency to be at disadvantage of asthma.
The smog also inhibits plant growth and causes immense damage to crops and forests. As a result, crops, vegetables and cotton are subject to infection when they are exposed to smog. The smog results in mortifying impacts on environment by killing innumerable animal species and plants as these take time to adapt to breathing and surviving in such toxic environments.
It is clear that smog is a serious environmental problem, and the smog that we were exposed to last winter was caused mainly by emissions from power plants and vehicles, among other things. It has serious effects in people, like respiratory problems such as asthma, and also gives serious problems to crops and forests, due to the toxics in it. The only way to prevent it is by changing our lifestyle, like reducing the usage of vehicles, or taking good care of them by changing oils and keeping the tires inflated. However if people do not even try to prevent it, this problem will grow bigger and bigger and the consequences will be unrepairable.