Jung Yong Ko 201300138 Causes of happiness.
What I really like to do.
These days, people cannot do what they want to because they have considerable amount of works to do. As they lose their time to do what they want to do, they gradually feel depressed. We all feel happiness when do what we want to do, so they should make time to do something that can make them happy. People feel happiness with various kinds of reasons for example, some people become happy when they play game, work out, drive and cook. I become happy when I scuba dive, shoot videos and go on a trip.
I have started scuba diving since I was in middle school. It is really hot when you wear scuba suit and gear up but once you get into the water while sweating hot with your sweat running down your face, you will never forget this best refreshingness. Once you see beautiful coral reefs stretched, lights shining in the water and marine life passing in front of your face, you forget bad things that happened to you straight away and start to feel happy. In addition, video shooting makes me happy too.
I have like shooting video and taking pictures somehow. When I first bought DSLR which is camera for experts. I took it with me and went to Indonesian islands such as, Bali, Lombok, Pantara and pulau seribu to take a picture. However, I wanted to record the present, that later on when I see the video I will be so impressed, I started to shoot videos. I learned shooting video skills in YouTube from YouTube celebrities such as, "niga higa." I wanted to record my awesome life, so i went scuba diving, climbing and sky diving to record myself by using "gopro" camera and my own DSLR. By shooting video, I realized that shooting video is what I really wanted, and made my heart pound whenever I shoot a video.
I loved to shoot video and scuba dive in various places, so I went on a trip. I was able to see new things such as, streets, trees, houses and people. This exotic moods made me so excited that I could not stop taking pictures and videos. Whenever, I visit new places I have never been, I get so excited that I always go out and try to learn their languages and cultures. When I was five years old, I went to other countries a lot like Japan, America, Canada, Britain and Singapore. Since I had been visiting other countries since I was five, I naturally became to enjoy visiting new countries and face new barriers such as languages and cultures.
To sum up, going scuba diving, shooting videos and going on a trip made me so happy. For scuba diving, I was able to meditate myself in the water in front of beautiful scenery which made me forget all things that made me sad. In addition, I loved to record my life. When I watched a video which was taken when I was elementary school, I was so surprised and felt new so I started to shoot videos to make myself happy when I watch the video which is being taken now, in the future. Finally, I loved to learn other countries' languages and cultures, so I got interested in going on a trip to other countries.
Jung Yong Ko/ Assignment / Tuesday 11AM
ReplyDelete1. The thesis statement is "I become happy when I scuba dive, shoot videos and go on a trip."
ReplyDelete2. Each body paragraph begins with a topic sentence which is the cause of happiness for the writer.
3. The causes are explained logically; the writer tells his personal stories/experiences related to each cause of happiness and how they provided new insight.
4. The writer doesn't really use connectors because the causes of happiness for him are all based on his own experiences. So it is more like a story-telling piece.
5. The cconclusion restates the three causes clearly.
6. The conclusion contains reflections on how the three things he enjoy doing make him happy.
I have one suggestion that could be helpful for you! I think your conclusion could be improved if you add something interesting in the conclusion. It simply summarizes your point so it's not really strong or impressive. Since your essay is about how people can gain happiness from doing what they want to do, you could say something like: Follow your interest and spend your life doing what you love. This is the only way to true happiness." Hope this helps. I enjoyed reading your essay! :)
1. Yes: I become happy when I scuba dive, shoot videos and go on a trip.
ReplyDelete2. Yes each body paragraph begins with a topic sentence which is the cause of happiness
3. Yes. personal experiences are provided.
4. No. connectors are barely used.
5. Yes.
6. The conclusion reflects on how the three activities make him happy.
Maybe you could have added in more connectors so that the cause and effect could be seen clearly.
What I really like to do.
ReplyDeleteThese days, people cannot do what they want to because they have considerable amount of works to do. As they lose their time to do what they want to do, they end up feeling depressed. We all feel happiness when we do what we want to do, so we should make time to do something that can make us happy. People feel happiness with various kinds of reasons. I become happy when I scuba dive, shoot videos and go on a trip.
I have started scuba diving since I was in middle school. It is really hot when you wear scuba suit and gear up but once you get into the water while sweating hot with your sweat running down your face, you will never forget this best refreshingness. Once you see beautiful coral reefs stretched, lights shining in the water and marine life passing in front of your face, you forget bad things that happened to you straight away and start to feel happy. In addition, video shooting makes me happy too.
I somehow got interested in video shooting and photography. When I first bought DSLR which is camera for experts. Then, I went to Indonesian islands such as, Bali, Lombok, Pantara and pulau seribu to take a picture. However, I wanted to record the present, that later on when I see the video, I will be so impressed, I started to shoot videos. I learned shooting video skills in YouTube from YouTube celebrities such as, "niga higa." I wanted to record my awesome life, so I went scuba diving, climbing and sky diving to record myself by using "gopro" camera and my own DSLR. By shooting video, I realized that shooting video is what I really wanted, and made my heart pound whenever I shoot a video.
Whenever, I visit new places I have never been, I get so excited that I always go out and try to learn their languages and cultures. When I was five years old, I went to other countries a lot like Japan, America, Canada, Britain and Singapore. Since I had been visiting other countries since I was five, I naturally became to enjoy visiting new countries and face new barriers such as languages and cultures barriers.
To sum up, going scuba diving, shooting videos and going on a trip made me so happy. For scuba diving, I was able to meditate myself in the water in front of beautiful scenery which made me forget all things that made me sad. In addition, I loved to record my life. When I watched a video which was taken when I was elementary school, I was so surprised and felt new so I started to shoot videos to make myself happy when I watch the video which is being taken now, in the future. Finally, I loved to learn other countries' languages and cultures, so I got interested in going on a trip to other countries.