<Not just a First Lady, but a "great" First Lady>
Chaelim Lee
How many first ladies in the United States do you know? Maybe You'd know Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama. Then, do you know Eleanor Roosevelt? She was a spouse of Franklin Roosevelt, the 32nd president of the United States. She is one of the most famous first lady for the American people for her achievements in protecting human rights. She was a feminist and a powerful supporter of the civil rights movement, protecting the weak during the world war Ⅱ as well.
She was very interested in protecting woman's rights. Before she became the first lady, she was already a feminist. She made many achievements such as working with the Woman's Trade Union League(WRUL), and buying the Todhunter School for Girls with her friends and teaching American literature and history there until her husband was elected. After TDR's inauguration, she kept carrying on her business and writing a column on the New Work Times, in an era when few married women had careers. She proved herself that women are capable of work after they married. Her career inspired many women in the world.
Eleanor was very ardent supporter of the civil rights movement. During Frenclin's term in the white house, she was the vocal for the support of the African American civil rights movement. She pointed out the New Deal programs in Southern states was discriminating with African-Americans. She showed her endorsement by inviting hundreds of African American guests to the White House, such as the famous black singer Marian Anderson, or African-American educator Mary McLeod Bethune. Even though The Roosevelt white house wasn't really interested in the rights of the African American, She was kept working with a lot of activists to gain equal rights for the African American.
During the World War Ⅱ, She focused on protecting human rights of the weak. She lobbied with TDR to allow greater immigration of groups, including Jews, whose persecuted by Nazis. However, that Franklin didn't approve it because of the fear of the Fifth Columnists. But she managed to rescue some Jewish refugees instead of giving up and doing nothing. Also, she thought that women and African American should get a factory job during the wartime. She encouraged women of all social backgrounds to "learn skills and be useful". Even in the war, she made an effort to work for the weak and help them to gain social powers.
Eleanor Roosevelt lived in a hard time with many affairs such as the Great Depression, and world war Ⅱ. However, she always concerned about how to help the second-class citizen. According to her biographer Cook, she is "the most controversial First Lady in United States history" because of her unconventional move. That's why we consider her as one of the most ardent supporter of the human rights.
Hey there. I enjoyed reading your essay and here to give some feedback :)
ReplyDelete1. Yes, the thesis statement is: she was a feminist and a powerful supporter of the civil rights movement, protecting the weak during the world war II as well.
2. Each body paragraph has a topic sentence such as: she was very interested in protecting woman's rights; Elanor was very ardent supporter of the civil rights movement; During the World War II, she focused on protecting human rights of the weak.
3. The causes are explained logically and explicitly.
4. She didn't use conenctors that much but I had no problem following. I could understand her point.
5. The conclusion restates the causes.
6. "Even in the war, she made an effort to work for the weak and help them to gain social power."
This is my second draft!
ReplyDeleteChaelim Lee
How many first ladies in the United States do you know? Maybe You'd know Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama. Then, do you know Eleanor Roosevelt? She was a spouse of Franklin Roosevelt, the 32nd president of the United States. She is one of the most famous first lady for the American people for her achievements in protecting human rights. She was a feminist and a powerful supporter of the civil rights movement, protecting the weak during the world war Ⅱ as well.
She was very interested in protecting woman's rights. Before she became the first lady, she was already a feminist. She made many achievements such as working with the Woman's Trade Union League (WRUL). After TDR's inauguration, in an era when few married women had careers, she kept carrying on her business and writing a column on the New Work Times. She proved herself that women are capable of work after they married. Her career inspired many women in the world.
Eleanor was very ardent supporter of the civil rights movement. During Frenclin's term in the white house, she was the vocal for the support of the African American civil rights movement. She pointed out the New Deal programs in Southern states was discriminating with African-Americans. She showed her endorsement by inviting hundreds of African American guests to the White House, such as the famous black singer Marian Anderson, and African-American educator Mary McLeod Bethune. Even though The Roosevelt white house wasn't really interested in the rights of the African American, She was kept working with a lot of activists to gain equal rights for the African American.
During the World War Ⅱ, She focused on protecting human rights of the weak. She lobbied with TDR to allow greater immigration of groups, including Jews, whose persecuted by Nazis. Even though it didn’t carry out well, she managed to rescue some Jewish refugees instead of giving up and doing nothing. Also, she thought that women and African American should get a factory job during the wartime. She encouraged women of all social backgrounds to "learn skills and be useful". Even in the war, she made an effort to work for the weak and help them to gain social powers.
Eleanor Roosevelt lived in a hard time with many affairs such as the Great Depression, and world war Ⅱ. However, she always concerned about how to help the second-class citizen. According to her biographer Cook, she is "the most controversial First Lady in United States history" because of her unconventional move. That's why we consider her as one of the most ardent supporter of the human rights.
Here are my final draft!
ReplyDeleteWorld’s most esteemed woman
How many first ladies in the United States do you know? Maybe You'd know Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama. Then, do you know Eleanor Roosevelt? She was a spouse of Franklin Roosevelt, the 32nd president of the United States. However, people don’t remember her because she was d first lady. The passion and effort toward protecting human rights are what made her one of the most respected woman in the world.
She was very interested in protecting woman's rights. Before she became the first lady, she was already a feminist. She made many achievements such as working with the Woman's Trade Union League (WRUL). After TDR's inauguration, in an era when few married women had careers, she kept carrying on her business and writing a column on the New Work Times. She knew the best way to encourage women’s right was to work same as before the marriage. In that way, she proved that women are capable of work regardless of their marriage.
Eleanor was very ardent supporter of the civil rights movement. During Frenclin's term in the white house, she was the vocal for the support of the African American civil rights movement. She pointed out the New Deal programs in Southern states was discriminating with African-Americans. She showed her endorsement by inviting hundreds of African American guests to the White House, such as the famous black singer Marian Anderson, and African-American educator Mary McLeod Bethune. Even though The Roosevelt white house wasn't really interested in the rights of the African American, She was kept working with a lot of activists to gain equal rights for the African American.
During the World War Ⅱ, She focused on protecting human rights of the weak. She lobbied with TDR to allow greater immigration of groups, including Jews, whose persecuted by Nazis. Even though it didn’t carry out well, she managed to rescue some Jewish refugees instead of giving up and doing nothing. Also, she thought that women and African American should get a factory job during the wartime. She encouraged women of all social backgrounds to "learn skills and be useful". Even in the war, she made an effort to work for the weak and help them to gain social powers.
Eleanor Roosevelt lived in a hard time with many affairs such as the Great Depression, and world war Ⅱ. It would be much easier for her to just follow the social convention, assisting her husband. However, she always concerned about how to help the second-class citizen and try to make an effort for them. She is the most passionate activist in her era with her bold move. That's why we consider her as one of the most ardent supporter of the human rights.